How psychologist Carl Jung became my second father - and how he can become yours.
The Dilemma
My father was a family therapist. Books by the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung lined the shelves of his office. The books were imposing, looming. They were sleek and black, and the cover lettering was in stark white. They were books to be taken seriously.
But that’s not how I saw them. When I was 12, I told my mother I loved reading them. They made me giddy. She said, “You’re a weird kid, you know that? But…it might save money on your future therapy bills, so keep reading them. God knows I could use them.”
My father didn’t father me but instead gave me Carl Jung. Jung’s books were my solace in a childhood ruled by my feverish imagination, my mother's abuse, and my father’s bewilderment.
I was an abandoned kid, forgotten, discarded. Since then, I’ve reclaimed myself and rejected my family’s legacy. It’s been hard as hell, but, of course, necessary.
Last night, I attended a play reading my friend produced. Four very famous actors were on stage in front of a captive audience of over 100 people. I marveled at the actor’s confidence—nary a shred of anxiety. Afterward, I spoke to one of them, and she said, “It’s not an act. I know I’m good at what I do, but I know that because I’ve done it so much.”
We’re doing this work together so you can do other work in your life. I’m an actor and writer as well as a healer. I’m very adept at healing because since I was a child I’ve been going inside to clean up the muck of my childhood. I’m only good because I’ve put in the work. It's the same with writing. I’m now acting more as well.
If you put in the work that the following 18 insights from Carl Jung offer, you will know who you are. You’ll see your flaws, you’ll embrace them, you’ll take risks, you’ll see where you’re terrified, and you’ll know where you’re already a master. You’ll reject your family's unhelpful legacy and build a new one.
Inner peace isn’t a given. It’s a reward for doing the work.
So. Let’s do some fun and hard work, shall we?
The Challenge
Here are 18 quotes from Jung, followed by a brief note from me.
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
Knowing who you are gives you an advantage in life. It’s why Jung called it a privilege. You can define it quickly by saying, “I know I am not that,” which means you can then say, “I am that.” What that latter ‘that’ is…is you.
“Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but as you touch a human soul be just another human soul.”
As Ram Dass always said: “Be. Here. Now.” When you meet someone, be present. Don’t listen to your mind’s thoughts about them. Don’t look around for something better. The better is that person in front of you. Look at them. Connect.
“Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.”
Thinking on demand - not listening to the mind’s thoughts - is the hardest thing. Your mind’s thoughts are created by your environment. It creates judgments. If you observe and don’t listen to the mind’s ‘labels’ about people or things, then you’ll find it’s impossible to judge.
“No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you.”
I would add that in today’s world, we’re more isolated than ever. Do the inner work conscientiously, and know you will have to do the sometimes arduous work of reaching out to make connections in life. The difference is that you'll choose wisely if you do the inner work.
“Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling.”
Wisdom comes when we’re in a clear, conscious state. Then, thinking and feeling work in correlation. The work of (here we go again) Being Here Now is all we need to do.
“If a man [woman] knows more than others, he [she] becomes lonely.”
Curiosity. Develop deep curiosity. Stay open and try to see everything you do through the eyes of another. It will alter how you approach your work and your life.
“Where your fear is, there your task is.”
It's pretty straightforward, yet the only answer to this is simply doing it, to quote a famous ad. Take it from me, an overthinker, at some point you must DO.
“The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.”
Perhaps my favorite thing Jung ever said. We do have healthy egos and negative egos. Not all egos are bad. But at a certain point, we either do things for the joy of doing and then maybe getting, or we do to get with joy as a back-burning objective. The former is a life of contentment—the latter dismay.
“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls.”
The idea of a soul is a big one, but the truth is we come into this lifetime with a mix that is polluted from lifetimes prior, and then more shit is added in this lifetime. To eradicate the darker aspects of our souls today and return to a pure state means we must face our darkest aspects, ask what the benefits of those are, and then allow in the lighter feelings of contentment, peace, and enjoyment.
“The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.”
This is where the idea of being in the world, not of the world, changes the quality of our lives. When we are ‘of’ the world, we alter how we talk and communicate to feel validated and seen by others. When we validate and see ourselves, we are ‘being in the world’ as our true selves.
“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
I’m a broken record about this, and I’m glad I am, but here we are again: our growth and ascension are directly related to how deep our connection to our inherent pain and sorrow as soil is.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
The unconscious is the system that runs our lives and is always in hiding. One of our biggest goals is to discover what is going on deep inside the unconscious. The best way to do that is to ask where in your life you hesitate to do what you know you want to do. You don’t hesitate because the odds are against you; you hesitate because your unconscious doesn’t think you’re up to the task, or you lack the inherent ‘thing’ necessary to do or become the kind of person who would have or do that. Investigate what your unconscious believes, and then you can direct your fate.
“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”
In my experience, this is the height of awareness. Use this as a barometer of people you allow close. Watch if their actions align with their words.
“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.”
If there was ever a quote that embodied the idea of faith, this is it. The path isn’t meant to be clear, which can be more than infuriating. We can have a vision and goals, but the ‘how’ will forever be out of our control.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
This was part of a newsletter recently. The truth is that whatever irritates us about others is always something we don’t like about ourselves. Irritation is a sign of imperfections we want embrace.
“I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.”
I’ve lived much of my life by this quote: We can change, and we can create who we want the world to see. We have to dig deep to do this, but we have control over creation by imagination.
The Solution
Read the quotes. Do the inner work. The easiest way to do that?
Start the day right.
When you wake, sit in silence wherever you are in the world.
Then, pick one of the quotes, close your eyes, and repeat it over and over in your mind.
Let it tumble about. If you do that, you will understand how the insight can alter how you view yourself and the world.
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